Where is my pants?

Hi Team!!

Well, after my sicky time at home, im back at work and today I had my first day back at the gym! It was my first personal training session but we just did a weigh-in and took some measurements to track my results. My trainer is a nice guy, so I think training with him will be cool. After that little session I then jumped on the treadmill and did 45 mins.

I have discovered that exercise provides me with a unique time to think. This is a good thing. I find myself pondering things and that distracts me from the fact that I hate exercise with the fire of 1000 suns. And next thing you knowm its 45 mins later and my exercise is all done.

Its also nice to have take some time in my day that is purely for me. My gym time doesnt benefit anyone else in my life except myself. Initially I thought this was a bit selfish, but then I realised that its insanity to not spend time alone with yourself, doing things that benefit you.

So, all that being said, Im starting to have fun with this whole gym thing.

Oh, I bet you are wondering why the title is where is my pants? Well, if you havent already read it on my facebook, I went to the gym this morning and was getting dressed afterwards for work, when I realised I had left my work pants at home. Im now at work wearing my gym tights under my shirt/dress which is neither corporate dress, nor entirely decent!

Return of the Queen

Ok, so everyone, im back from my sickmo pity party. I decided that nothing good comes of wallowing in misery and pain, so im moving on. Its scriptural!

Im back on track with my lifestyle change (im not calling it a diet) and i have organised my first personal training session for next tuesday. Im excited and a bit scared about that. I have a tendency to puke in PT sessions. Oh well.

I have also decided that my lifestyle change requires much much more than just losing weight and exercising. My brain has to change as well. Here is what I have decided on so far:

1) As long as I have a victim mentality, I will be a victim. Im not a victim, im an overcomer!

2) There is a plan of happiness for my life. Misery, pain, sorrow, dispair, depression and anxiety are NOT part of that plan.

3) I am fat because of the above reasons. There have been external factors contributing to my size and my unhappiness, but in the end, im the only one responsible for me.

4) When faith is secure, my life is secure. So, having a faith that is secure and built on firm foundations MUST be my first priority.

5) I have a good life, a comfortable house, a great family, supportive friends, a job that I enjoy and I live in a country where I can express myself without fear of oppression. Thats alot to be greatful for.

6) I recognise that my life is not where I want it to be right now, but I dont have to feel bad about that. I just need to change.

So there you go. Queen Michelle has returned. Huzzah.

:)

****WARNING - Emo Blog Follows*****

Ok, so this post isnt really about weight loss, its about how im feeling about things at the moment. So bear with me, cause this is all probably gonna sound pretty whingey. Which is why im writing this here. Only 5 people read this blog and im happy with those 5 people seeing into the murky waters of my mind. And if you dont want to read this, turn away, avert your eyes! I just need a place to vent.

Ok. We all know that I have been sick on and off again for about the last two years (and the last six months mostly on again). Well, Im REALLY tired of being unwell. Im also tired of people insinuating that its because of my weight problem. ITS NOT. Some of my issues are made worse by my weight but almost none of them are caused by it.

I have a crap immune system. I have always had a crap immune system my whole life because I was born six weeks prematurely. And yes, I know that being overweight doesnt help but its NOT THE CAUSE.

I have a genetic disorder that makes the collagen in my body defective. In my case, it causes hypermobility, severe scaring, poor wound healing, Gastro Oseophageal Reflux Disorder, Joint dislocations, pain in most joints, frequent injuries that dont heal, and almost constant fatigue. None of this is caused by weight. The only thing that is made worse by extra weight is the joint pain.

I also have diagnosed depression and an anxiety disorder. And when im in pain (which is most of the time), I dont really sleep well. And depression and anxiety are made so much worse without good sleep.

As my last post said, the medicine im on this week to help my asthma which has gotten really bad, has made a whole bunch of things worse. The side effects of these tablets are that my stomach problems are about ten times worse. Another side effect is that it has a tendency to make mentall illness much worse. Oh and it causes extreme and rapid weight gain (even though im only on them for 5 days).

So, I feel like puking, I have gained 1.5 kilos in 3 days, I have the worst asthma of my entire life and I should be in hospital, and to top it all off, Im feeling very emo.

Im sorry for being so whingy people. I really am.

Im sick of being the sick one. Im sick of life being more complicated than necessary because of illness.

Because im single, the following thought is always in the back of my mind: "Who is going to want to be an eternal companion to someone who will constantly need to be looked after, someone with so much baggage".

Do any of you often feel like you just need to take a time out from your everyday life and sort yourself out? I do. But I cant. I have debt to pay, and a house to run. I wish I could have like two weeks away, from the pressure of everything, we I cant get my medical stuff and my mental stuff just a little bit more sorted.

Oh well, hopefully I can get the asthma to sort itself out, so i can get off the medicine that makes me extra emo, so that I can sort out being a medium level of emo.

Ok. Im going to stop ranting now. I just need a good nights sleep.

So ok, I fell off the wagon

As the above statement mentions im not going so well. I fell off the wagon, and then I think the wagon reversed and rolled right over the top of me so to speak

I had everything set ready to go with the gym and healthy eating plan and my gymming and personal training and I got sick. AGAIN.

And not just your everyday run of the mill sick. I got a viral infection that turned into the chest infection from hell which promptly turned into the worst asthma in the history of my entire life.

Im posting this blog from my mobile phone in my bed at 1am in the morning because the steriods they have me on to try and kickstart my lungs and get them working again, have the lovely side effect
of making me unable to sleep. Oh and the steriods make u fat. No kidding. I puff up like a bloated balloon on them. This sucks so bad.

This past week I could hardly walk down the stairs some days, let alone do a workout. So i laid on the couch. And what did I eat when I was doing nothing on the couch? Anything I could get my hands on.

This all just shows me that my motivation starts well but wusses out at the first sign of trouble.

Dont get me wrong, Im not giving up by any stretch of the imagination. Im juxt admitting that this is flippin hard is all

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

So, sorry for the brief delay in updated things on here. I am to do it at least once every two days, but yesterday was a crap of a day so I thought I would save you all the misery of reading about it, and wait to post until things were looking up.

Here is a few things I have realised over the last few days. I may be repeating things i have already said but im realising how important these things are:

1) Looking after yourself takes careful planning and alot of work. Making sure I have the appropriate food available to eat, lunch packed, gym clothes clean is so important. If I fall down on any of these things, well, i dont go to the gym or I eat bad food.

2) My motivation to go to the gym is directly affected by the ammount of sleep I get. Because I need to get up early to go to the gym, if I go to bed late I cant get up enough time to get to work on time let alone the gym beforehand.

3) Gym needs to be my priority. Im a busy girl. And im juggling lots of stuff at the moment in my personal and professional life. Because will willpower and motivation is still only a teeny tiney bit, if anything else gets in the way its FAR TOO EASY for me not to go. I need to tell myself that I dont have choice but to go. And I HAVE TO GO at least 5 times a week.

4) Im important enough to make an effort for.

5) I am (at the moment) the only one who can look after me. Who else is going to?

So, all that being said, this whole change my lifestyle thing is harder than once thought, but im not giving up, cause this is important.

My First Talk

Hi Team!!!

Ok, so today I had my first ever opportunity to speak in Sacrament Meeting at church. Below is a copy of my talk. Please ignore any grammtical or spelling errors. Feel free to let me know what you think (though, if you think it sucked, please feel free to keep that one to yourself!! lol).

Courge To Live The Gospel - 09/08/2009

Good Morning Brothers and sisters. I would like to start by saying im grateful for the opportunity to speak and that I pray for the Holy Ghost to guide my words.

Courage is defined as the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger and pain with bravery and valor.

My talk today is about having the courage to live the gospel. Daniel was a man in the bible who was a great example of how to courageously live out your faith in a time when its not so easy. Daniel and a few other young men were chosen by king Nebuchadnezzar to be teachers in his court. Daniel chapter 1 v 5 says that the king had appointed them a daily provision of meat and the wine which he drank, so that they would be nourished for three years before before they were brought before the king. But Daniel had purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s meat and wine. He stood up for the principle that has body was to be kept pure and undefiled.

Later in Chapter 3 of Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzar created a golden image of himself and commanded all men to worship the image. Anyone who didn’t worship the kings image was to be punished by being thrown into a fiery furnace. Daniel had also set in his heart that he would not bow down and serve any other gods, or worship the image the king had created. His response to the king when he was confronted as to why he didn’t bow down was this “If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of Thine hand o king.

Daniel was bold enough to say to King Nebuchadnezzar, no matter what you can do, my God is stronger and can rescue me, but even if He doesn’t, we still wont serve your gods and worship your golden image. Daniel was a young man when he stood up to a king. And he stood for what was right even though he knew that choosing the right might mean that he could be killed. I think Daniel is a great example of courage and valor.

I think that courage is more than not being afraid to tell people that we are members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. I believe that courage to live the gospel means laying down your life no matter the cost. Its leaving your home and family and travelling to a country you may not have ever been before, to teach people the truth of the gospel. The courage of the missionaries who taught aliesha and I will always be an example to us.

Courage means always choosing the right, no matter what situation you are faced with.
President Thomas S Monson once said Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, 'No,' the courage to say, 'Yes.' Decisions do determine destiny."The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be."

Courage to live the gospel means being passionate about the truth and standing for truth and righteousness. For a teenager, courage could be choosing to dress appropriately when all of your friends are being immodest. It could mean making the sacrifice to leave friends and family and serve a mission. For young families, it could mean boldness to share the gospel of truth to friends and family. For those brothers and sisters who have the wisdom of many years it may be standing for what’s right in the workplace or opening your home to show charity to those who need it.

Courage to live the gospel could simply mean having a testimony, and not being afraid to share it with anyone who will listen.

Many of you would be familiar with the story of how my sister aliesha and I came to the church. If it wasn’t for the boldness and courage of Brother Andrew Curlis, who being a complete stranger sat on our couch for four hours and told us about the church and the truth of the Gospel, we may not have had the opportunity to hear the gospel in this life.

I have a testimony of courage because I have witnessed it in my sister. When aliesha made the decision to join the church, she lost her job. She lost her job because she fought publicly for our church. She knew that she might lose the career that she had worked so hard for, and the job that she loved. She has suffered but her strength and faith has been increased because at a crucial decision time in her life, she had the courage to say, I choose the truth.

Lastly, let me bring your attention to the courage of our Elder Brother Jesus Christ. In a talk given by President Gordon B Hinkley, the following was said “I remember being with President Harold B. Lee (1899–1973) in the Garden of Gethsemane in Jerusalem. We could sense, if only in a very small degree, the terrible struggle that took place there, a struggle so intense, as Jesus wrestled alone in the spirit, that blood came from every pore. We recalled the betrayal by one who had been called to a position of trust. We recalled that evil men laid brutal hands upon the Son of God. We recalled that lonely figure on the cross, crying out in anguish, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?. Yet, courageously, the Savior of the world moved forward to bring about the Atonement in our behalf.”

The question I asked myself while preparing this talk was, Michelle, how are you living courageously for the gospel. How far are you prepared to go to be bold, passionate and valiant about the truth, like Daniel was and like our Saviour was?

My prayer today is the same prayer that Joseph Smith left with his brethren in D & C 128 v 22 “Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren, and on, on to the victory. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Ok, so we all know im a wuss

Yesterday was my first trip to the gym in like 2 years. I just jumped on the tready and did a 45 minute walk. Doesnt seem like much does it. But surprisingly enough I am sore today. That just shows you how unfit I am. On the positive side, Im positive that pretty soon im going to have buns of steel!

I have also discovered that focusing on myself and going to the gym everyday takes alot of planning. I am going to have to get another set of gym clothes or a dryer because I get home from work and put them on to wash, but they arent dry in time. I couldnt go to the gym this morning cause I had nothing I could wear. Also, eating the right food takes planning too. I have to make sure my cupboard is stocked with all the right foods so that I dont have to go out for food every day. If I do that, I always get something bad.

On a funny note, I went so hard on the tready yesterday that I totally snapped my bra. I laughed so hard when that happened. Oh well, just another reason to go shopping (once my tax comes in which I hope is soon, because my bra supply is rather limited).

I have my first personal training session on tuesday morning with Nathan. I know i will be shelling out a fair bit of money on that every week, but I know it works for me and I kinda see it as a good investment. One of my goals for next year is to go to the States, but I have told myself that I cant go until I reach a certain weight. And I want to go asap, so that means im really gonna to have to work hard.

My goal for now is to lose 7 kilos by this time next month. It seems like alot, but because im quite big, if I work hard I should lose about 2 kilos a week for the first month or two.

On a non weight-loss related topic, I am preparing to give a talk at church this sunday. Its only 5 mins but I want it to be good. What I might do is once I have actually given the talk, I might post it on here so that other people can read it. I know that I have quite a friends who not religious, so if you dont want to read it, you dont have to. And for those of you who are, and who are also members of my church, go easy on me, its my first time.

Well, thats all for today. Peace out.